Switching pillows was the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. That may sound ridiculous until I add that the only other pillow I have was my little sister's pillow. Of course I took her pillowcase off, and I will continue to store it in a safe place, but removing the sacredicity of this pillow that has been in my position since her death was so hard.
Tomorrow marks 6 and a half years since her death. It's been six years and six months since I last saw my little sister. Six years and six months since she took her last breath. Six years and six months since I last saw her smile at me. Six years and six months since I last gave her a hug.
Time has both flown by and crawled along. So much has changed since she left this world. But I still wake up from wonderful dreams where I spend time with her, to the cold reality that she's gone. I still see movies she loved and have to leave the area to cry. Jacob's current favorite movie was the last movie Lydia ever saw in theaters. When I think of how far my life has come without her, I end up in disbelief. Yes, I was 13 when she died, but I've done so much with my life.
Tomorrow night I work. I don't think anyone I work with knows about my sisters, and that's how I plan to keep it for a while. It kills me how much I like being the girl who doesn't have 2 dead sisters. I mean, when I phrase it like that it makes perfect sense, but I straight up lied to my boss lady and said I had no siblings other than Raven, Jon, and Jacob... I might have more to say tomorrow but I can't write anymore tonight.
I really miss her.
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