I am a feminist.

This monkey has nothing to do with this topic, but isn't (s)he cute! 

I've been debating whether or not to post this all evening and now that I am trying to go to bed, I can't stop thinking about it.

Overall, I've been pretty lucky when it comes to derogatory statements about my gender. I mean, I'm an overweight redheaded nerd who was always the new girl, people had plenty of options when it came to insulting me. It hasn't been until recently, as I've begun truly exploring the world I live in and putting myself out there that I've been learning how difficult it can be for women. While I was in Portland, I noticed that when I am walking outside, I tend to not observe my surroundings for fear of creepy men noticing me. On the train thing I was too scared to even sit down. I'm always much more relaxed around guys that are more feminine in nature. But even with all of that, it never occured to me that it was because I am female. I just figured that was all part of my social anxiety, and some of it may be. But today was different.

Most things I do are predominantly female in participation. Choir, theater, JSA, Mock Trial, FBLA, etc.  Basically all of my after school activities in high school had a higher percentage of girls than boys. But now that I am growing up and doing more things that is slowly changing.

 Today I helped set up for some functions at work. While I wasn't the only girl there, I was the only girl doing most of the tasks I did. The 2 guys I was working with didn't really talk to me, and at first I didn't mind because they were idiots that didn't take enough pride in their work. But then as time went by, they started being louder with their personal discussions and began recognizing that I was there. At one point, one of them was joking around and not giving me the thingy that is used to move the chairs. Then I heard the other one say something along the lines of "Why is the girl working harder than you?" and the other guy laughed it off. A while later I overheard one say "Yeah you lay that tablecloth out while the girl lifts the chairs." This is hilarious because I went to elementary school with the guy who referred to me as "the girl" and he was best friends with my stepbrother for years. As soon as we finished with that building, that guy left as quickly as he could while the other guy and I waited for a reply from the boss lady about whether or not we were done.

 She asked us to set up a stage and wedding table in the other building. So we started doing that and after we got the stage done, the guy had to leave for his other job. We had not finished what we had been asked to do and he said something along the lines of "I can't find (boss lady) but I have to go and I suggest you do the same. Someone else can finish this later." He left and I stuck around and moved several heavy tables and was near the point of passing out from exhaustion. Then I took a break and boss lady joined me to finish up what needed to be done.

Both of those guys have been working here for several years while I just started in April. I felt that they made it very clear that I shouldn't be doing as much work as I do and that I was making them look bad. That last part makes me happy because it was after that that I was asked about adding another type of shifts to my schedule because they needed reliable hard workers that they could trust for something else. While I don't know how that is going to turn out, being told that I was the first person boss lady thought of for the job made my day.

Beyond work stuff, I've been noticing more and more comments on the internet that are slightly derogatory towards women. Men who think they are being cute and funny, who are joking with women about things like makeup and hair.

I don't know what is making me notice more things like this, because I doubt they all just started happening, but I am definitely going to be paying attention now.